In Maldon the river is seriously silting up and nobody will accept responsibility for dredging it.

I’m the creep of Maldon quay. Your cash belongs to me.
One day when you are moored, I’ll sneak my way on board
When you’re glued in the ooze, I’ll collect my harbour dues
I’ll take your mooring fee, I’m the creep of Maldon quay

My welcome ‘s unfriendly; please stay away at sea.
If you’re deep in the sludge you’ll need a tow to budge.
There’s mud at Maldon quay, sprinkled with debris,
Of that I’ll guarantee. I’m the creep of Maldon quay

Oh I’m the Creep of Maldon quay. I’m a council employee.
When in the mud you’re stuck – Then I don’t care a lot.
When you can’t get afloat, Then I will sit and gloat.
I’ll count my cash with glee. I’m the creep of Maldon quay.

1. Tune: The sheik of araby

---