In Maldon the river is seriously silting up and nobody will accept responsibility for dredging it.

I’m the creep of Maldon quay. Your cash belongs to me.
One day when you are moored, I’ll sneak my way on board
When you’re glued in the ooze, I’ll collect my harbour dues
I’ll take your mooring fee, I’m the creep of Maldon quay

My welcome ‘s unfriendly; please stay away at sea.
If you’re deep in the sludge you’ll need a tow to budge.
There’s mud at Maldon quay, sprinkled with debris,
Of that I’ll guarantee. I’m the creep of Maldon quay

Oh I’m the Creep of Maldon quay. I’m a council employee.
When in the mud you’re stuck – Then I don’t care a lot.
When you can’t get afloat, Then I will sit and gloat.
I’ll count my cash with glee. I’m the creep of Maldon quay.

1. Tune: The sheik of araby

Another example of the utter incompetence that is Kent County Council highways department. Last time they couldn’t understand that water drained downhill now they have difficulty with where the sun is.
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It appears that NASA have $4M for prize competitions but not enough competition ideas. Well at least they’ve come clean and said so; inviting ideas for challenges. I’ve fixed that for them here. The challenge starts from wondering along these lines.

What struck me about the submission form was that there was no place to put the description of the challenge. You had to say how it would be measured etc. but no space for the core matter. So they’d given it to somebody to try then… Presumably not. A bit of a poor show when you’re asking for ideas to miss out the “what is your idea” bit.

Today’s post is short because it sums up something that is obvious in a nutshell.

Police forces and politicians like to go on about zero tolerance. What I think they mean by this is that miscreants will always be apprehended and always ‘dealt with’. Hooray – that’s that problem solved and we can all sleep soundly in our beds. What would we do without such fearless fighters against crime who work tirelessly to bring all criminals to justice?

Yes, well, that’s a bit of a busted-flush then as even the dimmest reality checker can fathom.

The answer is of course zero incidence. People decide to commit crime.1 From MPs defrauding the taxpayer, police lying on oath, through to street crime and domestic violence – crime doesn’t have to happen. The only reason we have punishment as part of the justice system is to try to discourage repeat offending. In my neighbourhood we don’t have much street crime or history of scotes breaking into houses and stealing cars. More than none but streets ahead of some places. If low crime can happen here then it could happen in other areas.

Next time you hear zero tolerance fight back with zero incidence. Remember there’s a huge industry involved in ‘the justice system’, so replacing bobbies on the beat or prisons with (say) community regeneration projects2 will upset a lot of vested commercial interests.

1. Of course the Government sees its role and criminalising everyone with a never ending stream of legislative diarrhoea – so this isn’t completely true.
2. But to be truthful there’s also an industry of unauditable, unaccountable and often useless agencies engaged in community support projects.

Local community culture is being extinguished by government.

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I haven’t had a television for more than a decade.1 The TV licencing people (run by Crapita I believe) simply send out more and more threatening letters.2 I must have had at least ten by now. Not one of them contains a “if you don’t watch TV then tick here and send back in the prepaid envelope provided” that would obviously be too easy. What’s the betting they get paid by the chase letter? Someone obviously thinks there is more money to be made flogging a dead horse. The letters imply that ‘officers’ are entitled to take statements which is baloney.

Still it doesn’t worry me, if they should turn up on my doorstep they will be told to go forth and multiply as they have no right of entry whatsoever. And no right to remain on my land after being asked to leave.

Warning

In times past they sent round a fake meter reader. The next bogus caller here will be going down the police station very quickly.

I started receiving a lot of silent calls. I wonder if they were listening for a TV in the background? If so they need to be stopped.

1. TV is shorthand for a bunch of TV receiving apparatus. None of which I have.
2. In the UK most people need a licence which costs something like 140 quid a year

Is there any other country in the world where it is illegal to play a musical instrument?
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The council collect mooring fees but won’t dredge the river. 40 years ago there was hardly any mud and the foreshore was gravel. Now by the quay there is over 1m of mud. Something must be done!

The creep of Maldon quay

Tune : The Sheik of Araby
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Dimmer than a dead glowworm, Essex police fail again1. They can’t get their act together if you phone them up and the web and email is totally beyond them.
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